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THE CONSENT YOU OWE YOURSELF: HOW MANY SURVIVORS DISSOCIATE EVEN IN SELF-TOUCH

  • Writer: Josi
    Josi
  • Aug 7
  • 2 min read

A GinkgoMinds Blog by Jo Oswin


How many survivors learned to dissociate during sex—even with themselves?

We don’t talk about that part.We talk about healing through touch. Self-love through pleasure. Reclaiming the body. But we skip over the reality that for so many of us, our own hands don’t feel safe either.

Because when your earliest experiences taught you to numb out to survive, even your own fingers can trigger flight.


SELF-TOUCH ISN’T ALWAYS SELF-CONSENT

You light a candle. You put on the music. You try to connect. But halfway through, you realise: you’re not really here.

Your mind drifts.Your breath shortens. You speed up—because being done feels safer than being present.

You mimic what they liked.You touch the way they touched.You climax for closure, not connection.

And no one sees it.Because this time, it’s just you.

But that doesn’t mean it’s consensual.


PERFORMANCE SURVIVES EVEN WHEN THE AUDIENCE IS GONE

Many of us grew up being watched. Judged.Claimed.And even in private, our bodies learned to perform instead of feel.

So when you close the door and lay your hand on your skin, your nervous system doesn’t always know:This time, we’re safe.

It remembers the rush. The pressure.The faking.The freezing.

You can’t fake heal what was real harm.


RELEARNING PLEASURE STARTS WITH PERMISSION TO PAUSE

You don’t owe yourself an orgasm. You owe yourself presence. Permission. The slowness to ask: What do I feel?Do I want to continue? What would feel good—not just bearable?

And if the answer is I don’t know—that’s sacred, too.Because listening to confusion is more honest than forcing a yes.

Consent doesn’t start with others.It starts with you.With how you touch, how you speak, how you slow down enough to notice when you're gone.


🖤 COACHING PROMPT FOR TODAY

HOW OFTEN DO I TOUCH MY BODY TO CONNECT—VERSUS TO ESCAPE?

Write down what you notice. Then try this: the next time you touch yourself, don’t aim for climax. Aim for conversation. Let your hand ask. Let your body answer.

No fixing. No finishing.Just feeling.


Inside Patreon, we go deeper into this reclamation.Not just healing from what was done to us—but learning how to stop doing it to ourselves.

You deserve a body that feels like home.Not a warzone. Not a performance. Not a memory. Just home.


xx Josi

ree

 
 
 

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