THE GOOD GIRL TRAP: HOW YOU WERE TAUGHT TO BE CHOSEN, NOT SAFE
- Josi
- Sep 11
- 2 min read
A GinkgoMinds Blog by Jo Oswin
You smiled when you were uncomfortable. You said yes when you wanted to say no.
You laughed at things that made your stomach turn.
Because somewhere along the way, you learned this:
Being chosen is more important than being safe. Being liked is more important than being honest. Being beautiful is more important than being whole.
THE GOOD GIRL IS A TRAUMA RESPONSE
She’s polite. She’s careful. She doesn’t take up too much space.
She never complains. She never gets too angry, too needy, too much.
She says “it’s okay” even when it isn’t. She stays even when she’s shrinking. She performs peace while her body is screaming.
But she’s not “good.” She’s just trained.
Trained to survive in systems that punish power, voice, and truth.
YOU WERE TAUGHT TO BE CHOSEN, NOT TO CHOOSE
From fairy tales to first dates, you were taught that love is something you’re lucky to receive. That being desired is the highest form of worth. That the goal is to be wanted — not to want.
So you became the version of you that was easiest to love.
Softer. Quieter. Less threatening.And in the process, you left the wild, messy, untamed parts of you behind.
The parts that say no.The parts that want more.The parts that make people uncomfortable.
SAFETY DOESN’T COME FROM BEING PICKED — IT COMES FROM BEING HELD IN YOUR WHOLENESS
Being chosen feels powerful — until it’s not. Until the person who picked you also picks you apart. Until your worth feels tied to their approval. Until you don’t know who you are without their eyes on you.
It’s in being allowed to exist unperformed. To take up space. To have needs. To say no — and still be loved.
🖤 COACHING PROMPT FOR TODAY
WHERE HAVE I ABANDONED MYSELF IN ORDER TO BE CHOSEN?
List them — every place you’ve shrunk, smiled, submitted.And then ask:What would it look like to choose myself — even if it made me less likeable?
Because the real good girl isn’t the one who pleases everyone. It’s the one who finally fucking pleases herself.
Inside Patreon, we rewrite these scripts.Not just with empowerment quotes, but with deep nervous system repair, erotic reclamation, and truth-telling.
And in Who the Fuck Am I Becoming?, we burn the good girl to the ground —and rebuild someone far more dangerous:a woman who’s not afraid to belong to herself.
xx Josi
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