THE PERFORMANCE DIDN’T PROTECT YOU: WHEN BEING CHOSEN STILL HURTS

A GinkgoMinds Blog by Jo Oswin

You did everything right. You were soft, sexy, agreeable. You laughed at the right jokes, gave the right answers, wore the right dress.

And it worked —You were chosen.He stayed.They said you’re the one.

But inside? You’re disappearing. Again.

BEING CHOSEN DOESN’T HEAL WHAT BEING INVISIBLE BROKE

You thought if you could just be the right kind of woman —they’d treat you right.They’d see you. They’d never hurt you.

But now you’re in the relationship,and it still feels like you’re auditioning.

You tiptoe around conflict. You say “It’s fine” when it’s not. You don’t ask for more, because you’re scared more will make you too much.

Because deep down, you're still trying to earn love you already “got.”

SURVIVAL MODE DOESN’T TURN OFF WHEN YOU GET THE THING

You thought being chosen would mean you could finally relax.

But what no one tells you is this:

You can be wanted and still feel unsafe.You can be loved and still feel like you’re losing yourself. You can win the role — and still be acting.

The performance doesn’t protect you.It just delays the grief.

You don’t need to be agreeable to be held.You don’t need to be palatable to be protected. You don’t need to disappear in order to be loved.

If your love requires self-abandonment, it’s not love.It’s a spotlight on every wound you were taught to cover with a smile.

🖤 COACHING PROMPT FOR TODAY

WHERE AM I STILL PERFORMING TO AVOID REJECTION — EVEN IN RELATIONSHIPS I’M ALREADY IN?

Say it without shame.Say it like the truth it is.

Then ask:Who am I when I stop auditioning? And am I willing to risk being her — even if it means not being picked again?

Because the good girl gets chosen.

But the whole woman gets free.

xx Josi